It’s Okay to be a Work in Progress
Keep Showing Up
Finding Yourself and Navigating Relationships
I’ve had the privilege of working with young people who are figuring out who they are and how they relate to the world around them. One thing I hear often—especially from young women—is the challenge of navigating relationships, particularly with guys. They might have great friendships with girls, but when it comes to guys, well... things can feel a little trickier.
It’s like they’re suddenly playing a new game with a different set of rules. There’s a feeling of: “I’m strong, I’m smart, I’m doing well in life—but why does talking to a guy feel like I’m trying to solve a Rubik’s cube blindfolded?”
It can feel like trying to learn a new language. You know the words, you’ve studied the grammar, but when you try to speak, the sentences come out wrong, and you’re not always sure you’re being understood the way you meant it to be.
Sound familiar?
You’re definitely not alone. Many young women face this challenge—balancing that inner strength with the vulnerability it takes to open up in relationships, especially with boys. And let’s be honest, communication with the opposite sex can sometimes feel like an awkward dance—like you know the moves, but they just seem a little off when you try to put them together.
But here’s the truth: it’s okay to be a work in progress. Navigating relationships, whether they’re with friends, family, or potential partners, doesn’t come with a perfect roadmap. Every relationship—platonic or romantic—requires growth, patience, and a healthy dose of self-discovery. The good news? That’s exactly how we learn more about who we are and what we truly need from others.
1. You Don’t Have to Be “Perfect”
We often feel pressure to be perfect, but guess what? No one is. It’s okay to stumble through conversations, to feel awkward, or to not always know the right thing to say. Sometimes the best connections happen when we drop the “perfect” act and just show up as ourselves—even if that means being a little messy or unsure. In fact, research shows that people are more likely to connect when they let their guards down and show vulnerability (Tracy & Robles, 2013).
2. Boys Aren’t Aliens
It can feel like guys are from another planet, but they’re not. They might communicate differently, but that doesn’t mean they’re any harder to understand than your girlfriends. The key is curiosity. Ask questions, be genuine, and don’t overthink it. In a world where gendered communication styles often get in the way, embracing a spirit of curiosity can lead to richer, more authentic exchanges (Way, 1995). Remember, they probably have no idea you’re analysing the conversation down to the last detail, so don’t be afraid to just be yourself. It’ll make things easier (and more fun) for both of you.
3. It’s All About Balance
You don’t have to choose between being strong and being vulnerable. Being your true self means balancing your inner strength with the ability to be open and authentic in relationships. This doesn’t mean you have to be an open book 24/7, but it does mean allowing others to see you beyond your achievements, your business sense, or your “I’ve got everything together” facade. According to Belenky et al. (1986), women’s self-development often revolves around embracing both their inner strength and their vulnerability. Balancing these aspects of your identity can make your relationships more fulfilling and grounded in genuine connection.
4. Relax and Take Your Time
If you’re trying to navigate relationships with guys and it feels awkward, that’s perfectly fine! Relationships aren’t a race, and you don’t need to have it all figured out by a certain age. Whether you’re talking to a guy at school, a co-worker, or someone you’re interested in, just remember that it’s okay to take your time. Sometimes the best relationships—platonic or romantic—develop when we stop forcing them and let things unfold naturally. The process of learning who you are, and how to relate to others, takes time and patience (Young Women Empowered, n.d.). It’s in the waiting, the small moments, and the awkward stumbles that you learn more about yourself and the world around you.
5. Challenge Your Own Stories
We all have these internal scripts or beliefs we tell ourselves about what we “should” be doing or how we “should” act. If you find yourself thinking things like, “I’m not good enough for him,” or “I need to change who I am to fit in,” challenge those thoughts. Remind yourself that the best relationships are built on authenticity, not trying to fit into someone else’s idea of who you should be. In fact, when we challenge these internalized narratives, we allow ourselves to discover more about what we truly want from our relationships (Belenky et al., 1986).
Keep Showing Up
So, if you find yourself in a place where connecting with the opposite sex feels awkward, know that it’s normal. The key is to keep showing up as your true self and not be afraid to laugh at awkward moments. After all, everyone—guys included—are figuring it out, too. Relationships take practice, patience, and a little bit of courage, but in the end, it’s about being real with others and, most importantly, with yourself.
If you’re feeling stuck or just need some guidance on how to navigate these relationships and find your true self, it could help to talk to someone who’s been there before. Counselling is a great space to reflect, learn, and grow, so don’t hesitate to reach out. We’re all works in progress—and that’s perfectly okay.
References
Belenky, M. F., Clinchy, B. M., Goldberger, N. R., & Tarule, J. M. (1986). Women’s ways of knowing: The development of self, voice, and mind (Vol. 15). Basic Books.
Tracy, K., & Robles, J. S. (2013). Everyday talk: Building and reflecting identities. New York: Guilford Press.
Way, N. (1995). “Can't you see the courage, the strength that I have?”: Listening to urban adolescent girls speak about their relationships. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 19(1), 107–128. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1471-6402.1995.tb00281.x
Young Women Empowered. (n.d.). Retrieved February 15, 2021, from https://youngwomenempowered.org/our-story/