Love, Laughter and Emotion
Make Time for ‘Us’
Reconnecting as Parents: A Little Love, Laughter, Connection
Hey there, busy parents!
We get it. Between doing the school pick-up, cooking dinner, tantrums, and endless loads of washing, it's easy to forget the one thing that brought you and your partner together in the first place — your relationship. But what if we told you that reconnecting doesn't need to be a big, complicated affair? You don't need to book a fancy weekend getaway or join a yoga retreat to rekindle the spark. In fact, a few small but powerful shifts can do wonders for your bond.
1. Share Your Emotions (Not Just the To-Do List)
In Emotionally-Focused Therapy (EFT), one of the key ideas is that emotional connection is the foundation of a strong relationship. Research shows that when couples share their emotions, not just the day-to-day tasks, they build a deeper bond (Bøyum & Stige, 2017). So, instead of just talking about the kids’ schedules, try saying, “I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed today” or “I need a hug”. Your partner probably feels the same way.
2. Be Curious About Each Other
It’s easy to think you know everything about your partner, but curiosity is key. Research suggests that emotionally connected couples are more attuned to each other’s emotional needs (Dunsmore et al., 2009). Ask open-ended questions like, “How’s your day been?” or “What’s been on your mind?”. This doesn’t have to be a therapy session — just an opportunity to listen and really understand each other.
3. Make Time for ‘Us’ (Even if It’s Just 10 Minutes)
You don’t need a weekend getaway to reconnect. Small moments count. EFT shows that quality time matters more than quantity. If you can, carve out 10 minutes in the evening to sit down together, away from the kids. A quick chat, a cup of tea, or even just
References:
Bøyum, H., & Stige, S. H. (2017). “I understand her better now” – a qualitative study of parents’ experiences of their relationship to their children after Emotion-Focused Family Therapy (EFFT). Scandinavian Psychologist, 4:e11. https://doi.org/10.15714/scandpsychol.4.e11
Dunsmore, C. J., Her, P., Halberstadt, G. A., & Perez-Rivera, B. M. (2009). Parents' beliefs about emotions and children’s recognition of parents’ emotions. Journal of Nonverbal Behavior, 33, 121–140. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10919-008-0066-6