An Affair—Betrayal Trauma

Radical honesty and accountability

Betrayal trauma—anger and sadness may prompt you to begin ‘Detective’ work as you question everything after the discovery of an intruder in your romantic relationship.  When trust has been broken through an affair it affects the very foundation of the relationship. It’s a violation of relationship trust and results in feelings of betrayal and abandonment. Healing is possible and takes courage to rebuild trust in the relationship. Couples Therapy can help you make sense of and provide a sense of safety when taking this difficult, courageous journey.

Shirley Glass, in ‘Not just friends,’ suggests that the psychological effects of post-traumatic stress disorder PTSD symptoms kick in after the discovery of an affair. Your brain is wired to keep you safe, protect you from danger and respond to warning signals. Betrayal trauma such as this may result in anxious thoughts, sleeplessness, intrusive thoughts, hypervigilance and controlling behaviours that dominate your thoughts. Ruminating about the past, checking and double-checking information, and over thinking now consume your days. Your relationship is now either in conflict or cold and lifeless as you try to make sense of what is left. Self-blame and reproach are common responses. 

Radical honesty and accountability are needed to understand and heal from this rupture. Vulnerability requires courage. Understanding and mending the deep attachment wounds will require an open-hearted exchange of trust. Couples Therapy can help you make sense of and provide a sense of safety when taking this difficult, courageous journey. Couples working together through betrayal trauma or infidelity can create a new, satisfying and loving relationship.

Contact Robin on 0421 224 070 for support to heal from betrayal trauma.