Processing Grief Through Spirituality and Psychotherapy
Spirituality and Grief
Losing a loved one affects us physically, emotionally, and spiritually and our response is determined by the attachment bond we had to the deceased person. Processing grief through spiritual practices such as religious and cultural rituals or mindfulness, may assist in helping make sense of the experience, accept the loss, and move forward over time. For some people, loss may result in a deeper spiritual connection and for others, may cause them to question their spiritual beliefs, or even lose their sense of purpose. Spiritual practices that honour the bonds and attachments that contribute to our sense of identity and meaning in life will assist in processing grief.
Spirituality can be defined as anything that provides meaning and purpose, and strengthens our spirit, making us feel more alive, including but not necessarily limited to faith and religious practice (Puchalski et al., 2014; Thompson, 2007). Our spirituality gives us direction and focus and is linked to our identity, our connection within our community and to other individuals, and can be a resource when coping with grief (Brinkmann, 2019). The pain and suffering of losing a loved one causes confusion and hurt, and the spiritual implications may affect our identity, disturbing our sense of meaning and purpose and the significance of our experiences. Grief can significantly impact our health in negative ways and alleviating grief is critical (Norton and Francesca, 2014). To lose someone we love is to be deprived of their companionship, their love, and the strong attachment bond we may have had with them. We anguish in their absence, we feel powerless and helpless, our life feels out of control, and may never be the same again. In life, we often are not taught how to grieve, but we need to make sense of the grief process. Grief, although difficult and painful, offers opportunities for growth, transformation and strengthened resilience (Walsh, 2020). Grief and heaviness shift as we reframe the way we feel.
Spirituality or religious rituals can help us make sense of dying and can provide a pathway through the pain when we are disoriented by major loss and need to make meaning of our lives. Participating in religious services and practices provides stability and hope during suffering. Faith may be strengthened through communal practices and rituals for those who view death as a natural part of life. For some people, expressions of anger or other strong emotions are expressed through prayer or religious practices, laying a foundation for a healthy grieving process, and yet for others the subject of death is taboo (Biancalani, 2022; Chapple, 2007). There is great benefit in applying spiritual practice to processing grief and loss, as suffering can bring us closer to God and is useful for our spiritual healing (Ram and Roeder, 2000; Master Sha Tao Centre, 2021). People question life’s purpose and meaning in trying to understand the reason for their significant loss, and the purpose of pain and suffering and this may result in either strengthening their faith or a crisis of faith. Alternatively, distress and deep sadness may result in disillusionment, abandoning faith, a deep crisis of faith, or blaming God. Spiritual bypassing, a term defined by Welwood, is a way of avoiding pain and rejecting difficult moments by deflecting to spiritual ideas and beliefs such as, ‘God never gives us more than we can handle’ (Prange-Morgan, 2022). This tendency may leave unresolved emotional pain and may have adverse consequences, and grievers may need to engage with their pain to fully process it.
Incorporating religion and spirituality into psychotherapy helps people cope with the significant challenges that death brings by exploring and including the client’s spiritual beliefs and practices in the therapeutic process. Spirituality fosters and strengthens recovery and resilience (Biancilani, 2022; Hall, 2018). Some healing contemplative practices that may support therapy include self-compassion, centering or contemplative prayer, meditation, prayer, spiritual journaling, spiritually guided forgiveness, and acceptance (Kersting, 2003). Meditation and mindfulness practices such as breathwork and the body scan technique encourage grieving clients to fully experience the depth of feeling by observing their thoughts, feelings and sensations with non-judgmental awareness allowing for a more profound spiritual connection.
Winokuer (2015) says some clients light a candle, focus their attention on the strong emotions they are feeling, write about these emotions in their journals, and then blow out the candle once finished (p. 138). A symbolic expression such as this is a spiritual experience that supports people to find meaning and to feel empowered by their emotions amidst loss. Clients often describe spiritually guided therapy as feeling like there is a third presence in the room, going beyond the usual client-therapist relationship, and adding a deeper more spiritual dimension to therapy (Kirsting, 2003).
Christian spiritual practices such as prayer, affirmations, and scripture, or talking to God, provide a deep sense of solace on a day-to-day basis for many people. Praying scripture such as ‘deep calls to deep’ (English Standard Version Bible, 2001, Psalm 42:7) expresses deep sorrow and is commonly practiced when mourning providing order and stability and gaining a sense of control at a time when everything feels out of control (Norton and Gino, 2014). Religious rituals and communal practices offer solace and meaning and provide a sense of connection to honour the dead and to something larger than oneself. Praying a string of Christian rosary beads provides a comforting phrase to help anchor the soul. Memorial services such as funeral rites and burial in the early stages of mourning provide comfort, meaning, and a passage for healthy grief processing (Biancalani, 2022). It is worth noting here that the absence of a spiritual belief is a risk factor for delayed or complicated grief (Walsh et al., 2002). Grief is resolved more readily with a spiritual belief (Walsh et al., 2002).
Imagining the deceased in the afterlife provides comfort and hope, helps people feel less alone and strengthens their resilience (Biancalani, 2022. Rituals are not limited to religion and embracing other everyday common practices such as baking the deceased’s favourite cake, or observing special anniversary days may also reduce or alleviate grief as they restore feelings of control with the loss of a loved one (Norton and Gino, 2014). Grief Support Groups provide a sense of belonging and humour can serve as a valuable coping mechanism providing a pathway to navigate strong emotions and move forward (Cherry, 2018; Shahbaz, 2018; Yalom, 2005). After the significant loss of a loved one, restoring meaning and hope is vital for people attempting to rebuild their lives and make sense of their loss, and continuing to care for and love the deceased and staying connected through rituals is part of this process (Pearlman, 2014).
When the counsellor is comfortable with their own and their client’s spirituality, answers to existential questions about life, death, and the afterlife can be safely explored. Client spirituality is not something that therapists are naturally comfortable with or naturally embrace, which may lead to client distress in therapy and therapists need self-awareness around this. According to Worden (2018), our objective is to assist clients in adjusting to the loss of a loved one and in finding meaning and purpose even after their absence (p. 88). Grief can trigger a spiritual crisis and psychotherapy can provide a supportive environment to help navigate doubt and uncertainties. A client-centred practitioner approaches spirituality with awareness and sensitivity towards the client’s beliefs and practices and will not impose their own beliefs on their client, preventing countertransference.
Humans naturally choose to avoid suffering, and so we try to either prevent or alleviate our suffering and that of others. Perhaps we perceive a ‘good death’ as the absence of suffering, but this is subjective and based on individual perceptions (Oliver, 2015; Meier et al., 2016). My experience as a Chaplain and therapist has deepened my comfort with the concept of death, enabling me to remain present and engaged with people nearing the end of life. This aligns with Yalom’s perspective (2008), which emphasises the importance of not distancing oneself from those facing mortality. Being present and ‘holding the space’ during their suffering is a privilege that demonstrates empathy and resilience.
Spiritual support is a coping resource for those struggling to come to terms with loss through death, contributing to resilience (the ability to bounce back from a low place) and will assist the griever adapting to adversity and grief (Cherry, 2018). Counsellors help clients build resilience and continue to live during grieving by encouraging them to seek experiences that enhance positive emotions and inspire hope and awe (Hone, 2022). There are many challenges in integrating spirituality into psychotherapy in the search for meaning as we struggle to make sense of our world (Coyte, 2019). Connecting with our own spiritual roots and something beyond oneself, whether God, a higher spiritual power, or rituals brings comfort and direction, helping people regain a sense of comfort, meaning and purpose and alleviating their grief. Incorporating spirituality into therapy can enrich and deepen the counselling experience for clients.
References
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